Perfected in Weakness

"Late Have I Loved Thee"

2011-06-18T00:12:00.000-07:00

Tonight I have been taught by God in song and in testimony. By Gungor, Dave Kraft (Leaders Who Last) and by St. Augustine (“Late Have I Loved Thee”).

This quote, taken from St. Augustine is really impressing upon my heart. Amazing too that I have been reading through City of God by St. Augustine (yes, very oddly difficult to read, but good!), and this prayer of Augustine’s (from the 4th century) stands out to me tonight (in his “Confessions” books) through a song by Gungor

To be honest, there is much I would love to share, but most importantly… God is showing me now, especially being with my church family, that there can be much to know (most of what my life has consisted of) and there can be much to love (most of what God is doing inside me), solely HIM!

Right now I am reading through Leaders Who Last by Dave Kraft and realizing that all of life comes out of a power, not of my own but of Christ. And that power only comes out of a love relationship with Jesus. No transactions, no merits, no duties. Rather a lovely DELIGHT (Ps 119:16) in God and His Word. Do I love my Savior, or do I so often just know much about Him?

I guess what God is asking me tonight is, “Do you love me Paul?” I am 29, and Augustine’s confession came at his age of 33, he had loved Jesus in his later years after his “enthusiasm over created things” had passed. But oh, what a testimony this man became in the Roman world at that time. And I ask myself… is this what God is doing in me? Have I been enthusiastic over many created things, and not over my Creator? Yes, I can lose sight of the prize!

O, God. Late maybe it is when I have come to love you (late in my estimation), but to know Your love is to know LIFE! To know a lot about You yet not delight in who You are, change this in me O God! One day at a time God… that I might delight in You.

Psalm 119:16 "I will delight in Your statutes; I will not forget Your word."

Learning in the Planting

2011-02-26T16:55:00.000-08:00

Heat Almost Always Reveals the Truth. I have been told an illustration many times before, but its truth has become more clear to me through this church planting process I have been in. A sponge does a very good job at soaking up and hiding its contents inside. Its only when the sponge gets squeezed that the contents within come gushing out. God, in His grace, has used this new church planting season, a season of being “squeezed,” to show me what comes gushing out of my own heart. And as I look at where I have been, I will be ever grateful and thankful that the fire and heat God brought brings truth to light and my dross to the surface!

If Humble Dependence Dies, So Does the Church. I can still remember the day I was told of this new church planting opportunity and realizing I needed to get on my knees. One, because I knew there would be important decisions being made by many in the following weeks and months, and two, because I knew I shouldn’t join this endeavor unless it was God moving me. I still want to be in that place of dependance as one of the many who serves in this new church plant. Unless God builds His church, the laborers work in vain. If God isn’t in every step of a new church plant then there is no lasting hope.

Missions is Every Believers Calling. I haven’t really understood this reality until being called out of comfort into a city filled with sin, sinners (including me) and a field white unto harvest. God hasn’t called me to a different country, but He has called me to be a missionary. A missionary right where I live. He calls us all to that same mission, His mission! You shall be my witnesses, in your home town, the surrounding towns, the surrounding regions and states and countries, and to the farthest reaches of this world! The Gospel is for all peoples, all nations, including my neighbors in my apartment.

He is my Great Shepherd. As I move forward, I am thankful for this season. Is it easy, no. Is it rewarding, YES. I have come to see my God, who He is and what He provides and has provided, in ways I wouldn't have had I not entered this season. Of course, the Lord is leading me as my Great Shepherd, and even though I walk through the valleys, I walk through. I am not overtaken by them, for the Lord is my Shepherd! He prepares a table for me, in the presence of my enemies. My cup overflows! I am excited for His future leading! Even though it won't be easy, in His presence there is Fullness of Joy! At His right hand are pleasures forevermore!

2010: A Year in Review (Sorta)

2011-01-07T19:20:00.000-08:00

I will say that 2010 has been a year that God has defined, even when at each turn (sometimes at every step) I thought I had everything planned out. Praise God I'm not that BIG and He chooses to humble me, and then build me back up!

Big take-aways:

God knows what He is doing even when I think everything is going awry. From stepping out of ministries at West Seattle into the city of Seattle with many unknowns, from accepting a job starting at 12 hr. overnight shifts, from moving into a studio within the heart of Seattle city culture, from changing my job location about 4 times within that time frame, from basically living in many unknowns, and honestly being stubborn and rebellious through some of that, God keeps reminding me that the "chaos" I think is happening is actually just me trying to be God and God constantly reminding me (through brokenness and humbling) that HE is weaving this tapestry of my life, for my best and for His exaltation.

Run to community during sins, trials, difficulties, un-repentance. My gut reaction many times in 2010 was to isolate or not want to attend Sunday’s gatherings or Men’s meetings, or any time with community for the sheer reason that it’s “easier” to live in isolation and not let anyone else in on what’s going on in my life. But of course, that path continuously left me dry, unsatisfied, and deathly. I found that the community of God is oh SO important in the life of the believer! I learn so much through community, and learn where I’m un-repentant! I see my weaknesses SO MUCH MORE when I’m with others (I think that’s part of the plan) and it leads me to rejoice in Jesus and the Gospel (the one who has done it all for me and has no weaknesses) rather than become despondent because I am “weak.” 2 Cor. 12 continues to preach at me… I would rather boast in my weaknesses that the power of Christ may be seen in me.

Isaiah 55:1. Only one thing is going to satisfy me – eating from the Word of God. Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; he who has no money (that’s ME) - come, buy and eat! Come buy wine and milk without money and without price. This message of the Gospel to me (through the language of eating) has been on my mind continuously since early 2010, yet I am in daily need of reminder. Nothing this world can offer, movies, books, knowledge, worldly wisdom, friends, family, job, car, pleasure, money, and more is going to satisfy me. Where has that left me time and time again? Realizing that what I’ve really been starving for all along has been the “full stomach” that comes from feasting in the Bible. God continue to grow this hunger!

The church is always the people (you don’t have a local church without it). Time and time again God has continued to bring me to repentance over the desire to see position, status, programs as the ultimate goal in church ministry. Yet, there is no JOY found in positions and programs being the ultimate for me. I keep looking to Jesus and seeing that He invested in people. That’s it! It was about living life with people. Where has my mind been in many ways? Not on this, not on that great commission that Jesus gave to me. Praise God I know I am with a church that loves the city (the people) they have been placed in, and I am reminded by others' testimonies of how God keeps allowing us all many opportunities to be in conversations with people, His greatest creations.

From generalities to specifics, from the theoretical to today. God has recently been reminding me to think about the specifics of what He has done in my life since coming up here to Seattle. I could see it from a 30,000 ft. in the air point-of-view (which is good for me to do as well), but thankfulness wells up in my heart when I’m reminded of the very smallest of details in which the grace of God keeps showing up, even in the most mundane of things (and when I least expect it). And I am ever appreciative of the men around me that keep reminding me that the Word of God is for me today. There are a lot of truth principles for me to pull from the Word, but how is God’s truth bringing me fresh joy and vitality and satisfaction for today, the here and now. So thank you God for those around me that have kept reminding me of this.

It’s all about Jesus. This may seem like a cliché or “to-often-used” phrase, but God keeps putting this to the forefront in my living and in my witness to others. From the failures of looking to be satisfied in other things and the idolatry that shows in my heart, God has made this truth plainly evident to me this year! All I have to boast about is Jesus, all that will last is Jesus, the only thing that satisfies and brings fulfillment is Jesus. The one thing I have to boast about in my witness to co-workers, friends, family, and community is Jesus. This is the one thing that is different from all other things in this world, the one thing that brings me salvation, hope, joy amidst tears, strength during my weaknesses, and everything else: Jesus!

Repenting and Writing Anew :-)

2010-08-29T21:21:00.000-07:00

Ha ha, so I don't know if repenting is the right word here, but it has been way too long since I last posted. Usually it comes with my work rhythms... which I think changed about the time I stopped posting. I was working overnights in May and now am working days shifts which doesn't give me the same "dead time" to write in my blog as an overnight job did... but day shift or night shift, it doesn't matter. I need to post!

Since May much has happened! I have transitioned locations with my company twice, moved from West Seattle to Downtown Seattle, and also began attending a church plant that was sent out of West Seattle Mars Hill to the the Downtown Business corridor called Downtown Cornerstone Church, being led by Pastor Adam Sinnett. Phew! A lot going on. One thing though that hasn't changed one bit is God! This has been the greatest thing that has happened in all of this! I have grown closer to my never changing, ever faithful God in the midst of constant change, ups and downs, and complete uncertainties. And yet I can say I have loved every minute of it!

This season certainly has been one where God is revealing idols in my heart, calling me to find my sufficiency and satisfaction in Jesus alone, and asking me if I really DO trust Him. And every unknown step to come to this Downtown church plant has tested each one of those areas. So I thank my God for where I am today, what He is taking me through and the highs and lows of being in a very new ministry with no certainties other than Jesus being on the throne!

And yet, I couldn't ask to be in a better place! In this time all I have is Jesus, and nothing else. It is creating a great sense of dependency on Him, and a dependency for being with His people in community. I am growing to love this great city of Seattle more and more, and I am praying for God to fill me for the missionary work he has me called to. I am salt and light in this great city, so that God's city, a people for His possession, may be birthed here in Seattle, through the Gospel for the glory of God! I am excited and hopefully will keep you more up-to-date on all that happens!

Enjoying the grace of God!
Paul

A Time of Psalm Writing

2010-05-08T05:20:00.000-07:00

Well, it’s been a few days (o.k. weeks) since I’ve posted :-) I probably have no good excuse, but I rejoice in what God has been doing in the past few weeks. God keeps reminding me that it is blessed to be meek, for that one will inherit the earth; to be poor in spirit, for that one will enjoy the kingdom of heaven! The amazing thing about sin in our lives is what it accomplishes. What our sin shouldn’t do is lead us to guilt, shame, condemnation and a desire to work harder the next time to avoid it or conquer it. What our sin should do is point us to our Great Warrior-King, Jesus, who has defeated Satan, sin and death and gives us His perfect righteousness.

God has been teaching me through seeing my own sin so clearly that my proper response to my sin must end up with worship. First off, I know that I no longer will suffer the condemnation and death I deserve for my sin. It has been suffered and taken for me in Jesus! I no longer have to work at defeating my sin that so easily entangles. It has been defeated for me in Jesus! So what is my proper response to sin? It is seeing the victory I have because of the cross and having that cause me to worship Jesus, even in that same moment of my sin! Grace becomes that much sweeter in the face of sin. As Paul stated clearly, “where sin increased, grace abounded all the more!” (Rom 5:21). Does this mean I keep on sinning? May that never be the case! (Romans 6:1). It means I worship my God in light of seeing how gracious He truly is in the midst of my sin. This will enevitably bring about less sin and more worship in my life! Less work and striving and more REST.

As a response to what the Gospel keeps teaching me, I’ve been meditating on the Psalms and have begun a type of "personal Psalm writing," where God is using the Psalms to lead me in conversation with Him. This has been the biggest lesson He has been teaching me these past few weeks. That I have had a great disconnect between knowing the truth and communing with the Truth. It’s the difference between knowing the cold hard facts about the Person and living, experiencing, walking and communing with the Person, Jesus. God keeps breaking my heart in a good way and leading me to sweet repentance in the truth that I have not been in communication with the God who I so desperately need to fill my thirsty longings. I have been attempting to quench my thirst in my own broken cisterns, but this has of course led to only more ruin.

So I would like to take you with me into the Psalms in these continuing posts, letting you in on what God is teaching me as I commune with Him. I pray they encourage and inspire you to maybe do your own “Psalm writing” – and above all, may HE be glorified in who He is, how GOOD He is, and how loving He was to crush His own Son for my soul!

God, thank you that I am completely yours.

My Father's Heart Beats Strong

2010-04-11T03:23:00.000-07:00

We'd play catch in the backyard
Two gloves and a ball
You'd throw it so high
I'd loose sight of it all

There was little league and wiffle ball,
Hockey and football, basketball, golf,
And other sports, we played it all!

Card games in our trailer tent,
Chess games that would never end,
Long hiking trips and biking trails,
Father-son outings, and campfire tales

Vacation was makin the trip to the beach
Boogey boards, sand castles, paddle ball, frisbee
Track ball, Bocce ball, and everything else
You "packed a punch," a lunch, and always your pretzels

From Up and Down, to Cribbage rounds
Bruises and scrapes from falling down
Your wisdom received, though hard to take in
Has kept me from shipwreck, prolonging my end

I've called you my Father for so many days
Daddy, Pops, and many other names;
But Jesus Lover, now that is one name
I've not called you enough, and I want that to change

For in trials and hardships, in fear and in doubt
There's only been one name that lifts you right out
You've clung to Him tightly, now moreso than ever
It's Jesus, Your Savior, Your Best Friend, Your Lover

This one thing I cling to, I've known for so long
Because he loves Jesus, my father's heart beats strong.

A Sunday I Won't Forget

2010-04-05T06:27:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share with you all a note from my pastor. A note that describes what God did yesterday in the life of my church. A God who is BIG, and a Spirit that is still performing miraculous things! This Sunday, I got to see God show up through His people's response to Him! It brought me to tears to be a small part of His BIG story!

From my pastor....Today was an epic day. We hosted 1,150 people, witnessed 45 baptisms, and in general, worshipped our guts out. All told, Good Friday and Easter combined, we hosted nearly 2,000 people this weekend. We saw fathers helping baptize their daughters, mothers helping baptize their sons, and some receiving Jesus for the first time. Some of the highlights included: (1) A pastor's wife, getting re-baptized for the first time as a lover of God. (2) One of the gals in our band's choir left mid-song to get dunked. (3) An eight year old, whose parents just worked through a challenging season following adultery, was dunked by her dad. (4) A former drug, alcohol, gang-banger and now three-week old Christian got baptized. (5) A former "drug-addicted, lying, adulterous, nearly-divorced husband now reconciled w/ his wife" got baptized. (6) A gal who asked a friend last minute if she could attend the Good Friday service, ended up receiving Jesus and becoming a Christian. (7) And the fact that over 45 people were baptized on Easter Sunday! He is Risen indeed! Amen!

Again, I left Easter Sunday in awe of what God does. In awe that He does what He says He will-that He takes out hearts of stone and puts in hearts of flesh.

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes...(Ezekiel 36:26-27)

He does it. He creates anew. He initiates. He does miracles. He is GOOD, He is FOR His children, He is BIG and He cannot be stopped. What a glorious Sunday it was. And all this because Jesus is RISEN!

Dwelling on Good Friday

2010-04-03T03:28:00.000-07:00

Here’s what God has brought to my mind concerning Good Friday. It is going to be a solemn night, a bloody night. This particular Friday was certainly a bloody day in the books of history. The afflictions my Savior Jesus went through were certainly bloody, and dwelling upon His death shocks me; to think of what He “endured” (Hebrews 12) during His crucifixion. Tonight will make me cringe, it will shock me and make me shed tears of sorrow-because I think people that were witnessing the event were doing the same. Jesus’ mother for instance! I can’t imagine her having to look upon her son in the condition He was in.

And of course, Good Friday is reminding me that my sins took Jesus to this bloody moment, His blood had to be shed so that my sins could be forgiven and remembered no more! What was so horrific is part of what we will be singing for all eternity in heaven. In fact, Jesus still has the scars-the holes in his hands, most likely the stripes on His back-to remind us all of that glorious moment. What seemed to be so horrific is what Jesus glories and boasts about! That was the same moment that He conquered Satan, Sin and Death! He walks around with those wounds still there probably to remind Himself of the price He went through to purchase His bride. Always there to remind Him! I want to be like Thomas when I get to heaven. I want to ask Jesus if I can touch His wounds and see the evidence of what He went through to purchase me as His beloved Son. I can’t wait to see those scars.

So for me, this will be dark, solemn, aching, cringing, bloody. Tonight is for me to remember the afflictions that Jesus undertook. He bore my sins on His own body on the tree. Physically He bore my sin through His stripes, spiritually He bore the cup of wrath from His Father for my sins. It was the darkest of nights. And yet, it was a glorious night. A night that I will conintinue to sing about from today into eternity. This is the greatest of nights then, and the greatest of weekends. Sunday was His resurrection. I serve a RISEN King! I serve a POWERFUL King. I serve a LIFE-GIVING King. Hallelujah!

Would a Homeless Man Visit Easter Sunday?

2010-04-02T02:29:00.000-07:00

Tonight God appointed that I meet Tom. Tom has been homeless for about 1 1/2 years here in West Seattle. He was at one point a well to do man, government job, wife, kids, homes, cars. Now he’s sleeping in a cardboard “home” close to the Morgan Junction Subway, where many homeless people are found.

I got the opportunity as a single dude without to many things scheduled and things I need to “get to” to sit down and eat some Subway with Tom for about an hour. It was one of those life-changing moments that I will never get out of my memory. I actually pray more will happen during my Subway visits.

I won’t tell you the whole conversation, but one of the things that stood out to me the most was his theme that has been ringing true in his life since becoming homeless. “Humility” was what he said, “that God nevers gives us more than we can handle.” And Tom said this with such contentment it completely amazed me. He understood himself as a servant to Jesus, as a servant to everyone else he comes in contact with (bankers, chemists, lawyers, etc). His name for himself… “a shepherd.” I was in tears repeatedly as he shared his life story, as he spoke of how he was loving others who along with him have not faired well. And yet he isn’t angry at God, angry at the world. He is “humbled.” He understands his place, that he is one small shepherd being used by the Great Shepherd, Jesus. Tom has given hope to other homeless men and women in the area, he comforted a girl coming out of her apartment in tears because she considered herself a whore.

Jesus is not just in the church-goers, the workers, the ones with jobs, like myself. Jesus’ Spirit is in these homeless men and women right here in West Seattle. Right by Subway on Morgan Junction. Jesus can’t be stopped, and He’s using His image-bearers, like Tom, you and I to do His work.

He was told about Union Gospel Mission (a ministry in Seattle for homeless men) and didn’t want to up and move tonight, but I told him that if he shows up this Sunday at my church, Mars Hill West Seattle, one of us would be more than willing to talk with him and take him to UGM if he wants to go. So, I write this post to ask you to pray for Tom, to pray how God might use Mars Hill in his life on Sunday.

I walked away changed and anticipating Sunday. I pray you have by this post. I pray you would always be accepting of the homeless in your church, even if they show up on Easter Sunday.

Piper and a Pipe?

2010-03-21T22:54:00.000-07:00

Well, a pipe sounds about right when having to contemplate the glories of God in the face of Jesus (at least that's my opinion). That's probably the reason why Spurgeon and others did so in the past :-) There's nothing quite like being still and silent before the Lord (maybe that involves a pipe, or however that might look for you) and dwelling on the deep truths of Scripture, the glories of God and His Son Jesus.

However this might look in your own life, I would encourage you to be quiet before the Lord, figure out what that looks like for you, and enjoy being exhorted and challenged by God "making much of you" as He ultimately makes much of Himself!

HERE is the link to Piper's recent sermon at Mars Hill Church on this very topic. All I can say is it makes me look small (right where I should be) and reminds me of how BIG my God really is! Please, please take the time to listen to this one!

Of Community Groups and Canadian Borders

2010-03-20T05:09:00.000-07:00

Ha! What a blast this past week! I got to zoom up to Canada to visit my sis, her husband, and all her kids right after my weekend of working overnights! I know. It's just me being crazy once again. The great thing about this trip was what God had planned that I didn't know would be in store for me. But much happened when Canadian borders and Community Groups mix!

So the story goes, I had way too much stuff in the trunk of my car (one of those important things I overlooked before trying to enter into Canada), let alone the things I had packed for the 3 1/2 days I'd be up in Surrey, BC visiting my sis Kristin. That stuff also filled the back seat of my car. So to make a long story short, and to spare you the LITERALLY 50 questions I was asked (after being asked to park my car so it could be thoroughly inspected), Canada had concluded that I was trying to cross their borders so I could set up my tent and live off their land for an unknown amount of time (oh did I mention I also had my hiking backpack stowed away in my trunk with its tent, sleeping gear, and dried food containers). If you're not laughing now, you should be.

So you could probably understand why I was asked to pull over, get the full inspection and be interrogated for about 50 minutes. All fun, and all coming after an overnight of work! Isn't God funny! Of course I share all this, and entitled my blog the way I did, because ultimately I got to talk to my interrogator all about Mars Hill, Community Groups, the Connect Group I serve alongside, the Discipleship Training Program, my brother-in-law being a pastor, my love for the church, and I'm pretty sure Jesus was in the conversation as well.

I guess at the end of the day it was awesome! I think God turned a really crazy (and yes, crummy) situation to bring forth His glory and to let this interrogator know about God's church and God's people, and that I'm just one crazy dude who loves God and was trying to "make it look like" I was moving to Canada. It reminds me of Peter's exhortation: "...in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect" (especially to Canadian interrogators, emphasis mine) (1 Pet 3:15).

In the end God was gracious, as the interrogator graciously still let me into Canadia (of course after a phone call to my sisters to verify my whole story), I got to spend three crazy days with all 6 of my crazy nieces and nephews, and I got to spend some sweet time with my sister, Kristin and her husband Bryan. I can't wait to visit again, though I think I've learned a valuable lesson about packing for trips to Canada: LESS IS MORE!

Faces and Veils and Tents?

2010-03-15T04:59:00.000-07:00

Amazing... I just can't get over this passage that speaks of God's glory. Of course I'm thinking right now of one particular passage among MANY that continually speak of the glory of God. Here's been the one the God has recently directed me to.

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

Therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart...

And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled only to those who are perishing. In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. (2 Corinthians 3:18-4:1, 3-7)

Wow, I have not the time nor want to take up all the space to speak of every truth found in this passage, but what a revelation this is! I am continually beholding the glory of God! If Christ is mine, I have this Light that is now shining within me in my proverbial jar of clay (my body). The Light is the knowledge of the glory of God seen in the face of Jesus Christ! So how am I beholding the glory of God continually? Through keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus, the Light! What is ALREADY true of me? I am displaying the glory of God!!

But how so, you might ask? Well, my face has already been unveiled through the saving work of God the Spirit, therefore I AM beholding the glory of God! Not only am I beholding this heavy, brilliant weightiness called GLORY, but this brilliance, this Light, is shining in my heart!! I am carrying it about in this tent (see chapter 5) the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God!

The "tent" is a great picture to put in your mind. You remember (hopefully you've experienced this) times when someone has turned a light on inside a camping tent? It creates a glow that can be seen a good distance away. Even the smallest of light that is lit within the tent hits the walls of the tent and creates a glow that is visible from the outside. Do you see the parallel now? I am like a walking tent (yeah, maybe this is a funny picture to think of, though I do remember walking around with a toy tent over my head when I was young!), and whatever is shining inside this tent of mine is what is hitting the walls and creating a glow that is visible to those looking at me! What is this glow? It is the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. This is what is SHINING in our hearts! It's a reality for those with unveiled faces!

Listen to Jesus' prayer for us in John 17 (this just blows me away!) The GLORY that you (God) have given to me, I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one (v.22). Jesus prayed with a promise, that we have been given the glory that was also given to Jesus the Son from the Father! This is amazing truth!

So what? What's the point of all this GLORY talk? Please be blown away with the gift given to us, with the stewardship placed upon us in being "tents" that shine forth the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ! You are no more deeply loved than this! You have direct access to God's glory, you are now vessels carrying about God's glory, you are now lights SHINING in darkness! There couldn't be a sharper contrast. You stand out amidst this world! You just do! You have the Light within you!

Lastly, not only do I have the glory of God within me, but I am made specifically to bring God glory! In being a tent that displays God's glory I am bringing glory to my Creator! I was created for this purpose!

everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.
(Isaiah 43:7)

Yikes, so this became longer than anticipated! What do I want to leave you with? In all of this, I think it's still important to realize that we cannot give out what we haven't first received ourselves. Truly receive this truth for your own heart. Believe it in your own life before letting others know! Let it be seen in your life before you tell others to display the glory that is within them! Receive this truth first I pray, before you give it to another!

And for the one who may be reading this and is lost in darkness? Come to Jesus! Come to the Light, who is Jesus! Come, quench your thirsty soul! He has paid it all, taken every sin of yours upon Himself; died in your place! Now He freely offers you streams of living water! (Revelation 22:17)

Thank You Lord for Sickness and Overnights

2010-03-01T06:22:00.000-08:00

Interesting title for my post tonight (or should I say this morning)! Well, it is completely true. This week was filled with a cold that wouldn't leave me and an overnight that was one of the worst I can remember. And yet, I thank the Lord. What?? I have to, as I laugh inside, cause ironically this blog was created for these exact things in mind. In my weakness, His glory is made perfect! In my weakness His strength can shine through!

I thank the Lord mostly because during my sickness and during these overnights I have had much time to talk with Him and think things through about where my life is going, what passions I have, who I am in Christ and how God has made me tick. Crazy how some of these questions I've never asked of myself, or asked in such particular ways and in this season of my life (which I'll never have again!). Of course God has a timing for everything, and it seems His timing for me to evaluate these things is NOW :-) And He is timely, as I have the opportunity now, with long overnights and a few restful days during the week to step back and evaluate where He has brought me thus far and where I need to keep moving ahead, by faith and only by faith! You know, the working ON your life part, and not always working IN your life. I've always been good at the latter and not so much with the former.

So, yeah. Has sickness and overnights been a rough going? This is certain! Is God bigger and better and sovereign over all these things? More so!! So what have I to complain about? What have I to be anxious or fearful about? Absolutely nothing. If anything, I can rejoice! I have a glorious Savior, Jesus and a glorious God and Father. I am a child of the King and am deeply loved and cherished by Him. And the story of my life unfolding is not about me as the climax (what a huge burden to not carry), but ultimately is about me standing with Jesus in heaven beholding His very glory! (John 17:24)

So, Jesus... may You be seen strong in my weaknesses. May I not go to despair, but hope in what You are caring out through me, Your servant. May I receive the greatest joy in all of life knowing you are being glorified, and I get the privilege of giving you all glory.

Writing Through the Night

2010-02-13T22:54:00.000-08:00

I write this blog from my new "post" so to speak. I have had mixed emotions sharing this, but the Lord truly has blessed me with a new job and a new source of income. Of course I could say 'new,' but in all reality it's reverting to the old :-) I am once again working overnight shifts for Security (something which I thought I would stear clear of--the overnight part of the job of course). But God has a way of opening doors that sometimes are the hardest to go through, and that require a lot of faith to go through and a trust that He knows best and I really can't thwart what He is doing or wants to do in my life :-)

The worst part about this blog is that I am writing this without even my whole family in "the know" about my new work. That will be the next thing to do once I finish out my weekend of work and sleep. Of course, in taking this position, I thought I remembered what I was getting myself into, but doing 12 hour shifts through the night is another story. It has brought me to a new place of dependency upon the Father that I probably haven't been in a while. A new place of faith and trust in the Father, that frankly, I haven't been before. In many ways, though this could be thought of as the hardest thing to go through, I know it will also be a very rewarding season. Cause what better place is there to be, then at the foot of the cross and in constant need of renewed strength and life given by my Father.

If anything, this is exactly where I need to be. I've been finding that this past year has revealed much about my own life that I really haven't thought about before. Part of this "looking in" has revealed that my heart fights to take control away from God and have it myself. To give Him parts of things, but keep some of it to myself. Or maybe in the words I've used before; to fit God into my story rather than fitting myself into His grand amazing story! To stop trying to take control out of God's hands and think I can do things on my own. Well, as my older brother has recently reminded me, I'm not that BIG. I actually can't take control from God, I truly can't thwart His plans, and I can't tell God how I want things (though my heart goes there at times). If this were the case, and I actually got my requests, I think (in the words of the Gospels) I'd be receiving stones and snakes for answers to my requests, and not the bread and fish that God so abundantly provides (I hope you got that analogy). I know I'm usually asking for the wrong things, so I thank my God that He answers in His wisdom, and in His timing, and with what is best for me!

And right now, the answer is "overnight security" :-) This is a humbling reality. And yet, isn't this exactly why I created this blog, to show that God's glory is perfected in my weaknesses! Actually I'm struck at the irony of this even now. That Jesus Christ and the glories of the Gospel will be seen better when I am weak. For when I am weak He is that much stronger! And His grace is that much more evident.

God, I can only fully appreciate your grace in my utter weaknesses, and in my dependency upon You! Thank me for taking me to this place in my life once again. Help me to stay here in utter dependency through all you take me through in this life.

For while we were still weak [without strength, helpless, frail, sickly], at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners (weak), Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies (weak) we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. (Romans 5:6-11)

Glory and Walmart?

2010-02-03T21:46:00.000-08:00

I had a great day driving around Seattle today, partly because there is only one Walmart even remotely close to me (yes, the single man must have his Walmart) and because it sometimes is cheaper to drive to locations to buy the product you need (i.e. movie tickets) then it is to pre-order them online :-)

While on my drive I got to hear a message by Tim Keller entitled "The Gospel for Yourself" where he speaks of glory as being "weightiness." Or in other words, when God shows up he truly shows up! What might have been a concept of God is now complete REALITY! This was what Isaiah went through in Isaiah 6. God was no longer a concept to him, though he truly did believe God existed. God had now become true REALITY; who He really was, full of glory, was right in front of Isaiah!

First off, this made me think about how often I make God out to be a concept, usually one that I easily can adapt into MY Life, and how I want Him to bless, give out and react to me. But in fact, to believe God in concept is truly to believe another gospel, a LIE. God has not shown Himself in concept, but in REALITY. He did so to Isaiah around 3000 years ago, and I get to glean from such a moment in history! Think about it, God visiting earth in all His glory, with the angels present before Him singing HOLY! HOLY! HOLY! I can't imagine. But the point is how Isaiah responded and how I should be responding to God's presence, Him truly showing up and bringing His glory into my life!

Woe is me! I am a man of unclean lips (I am way worse than I thought I was, my sin is utterly sinful!) and I dwell with a people of unclean lips (we are all in the same predicament, we are all completely lost, sinful people)

And the angel brought a piece of fire (not to judge but to cleanse) and touched my lips, ...and said your sins are atoned for and your guilt is taken away (the good news that I will not receive my just judgment for my sin!). Then Isaiah said, "Here am I, send me!"

Jesus Christ and Him crucified on my behalf is what God's glory revealed to Isaiah that day, and that's the same message of glory I have received from God! That His glory has shown up, and instead of being consumed I have been covered by the blood of Jesus! Instead of a fire to bring judgment, the fire brings cleansing! My sins have been atoned for, and my guilt has been completely taken away! What a good message we have to bring to people! This is the message of God's glory!

In my reading of 2 Thessalonians today, the same message of glory kept popping up.

To this end wealways pray for you, that our God maymake you worthy of his calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by his power, so that the name of our Lord Jesusmay be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ. (1:11-12)

To this he called you throughour gospel,so that you may obtain the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. (2:14)

Finally, brothers, pray for us, that the word of the Lord may speed ahead and be glorified, as happened among you,
(3:1)

And I've been thinking more and more lately, that my life is about revealing the kingdom of God to everyone I come in contact with (and not creating the kingdom of Paul while I'm here); revealing the True REALITY of God, in all His GLORY (weightiness). And this revealing of Himself came in the form of Christ on the cross. This is the story that gave strength and vigor to Isaiah as he was SENT by God; this is the same story He has SENT me out to proclaim. Not out of duty, but out of delight!

Sheer delight, because I was once flat on my face, buried in the mud, held in judgment in comparison to God's glory and holiness! Yet, Jesus paid for my sin! Jesus has died in my place; He has taken the wrath of God upon Himself so that I wouldn't have to bear that! And any guilt from sin, He has removed completely! How can I not delight in this!

Comatose, Coffee, Calamity and Christ!

2010-01-25T23:02:00.000-08:00

Yeah, a lot of things in just one day! God is awesome!

And then there was the weekend! Well, to begin with today.. woke up to a phone call from my roommate at 6:15AM, asking me to bring him something he had forgotten to bring with him on the bus, as he was heading into Seattle to work at one of the MANY Starbucks in the city. So, in order to retain his reputation and keep his job there, I figured I should bring in what he had forgotten :-) So, a great quiet ride into the city of Seattle at too early of an hour! But what a blessing to serve my roommate!

Then onto the coffee shop, Cafe Osita, where I got to spend great time conversing with the owner Andrea, and learned all about the different coffee terms on her menu :-) Possibly my sister would appreciate me learning about coffee, as she just drinks it up (Starbucks that is), and if we all confessed, I'm sure we are all still learning about how it's all made, what the terms on the menu mean and all that stuff :-) I usually go in to a coffee shop and stare at the menu filled with terms I don't know. Can be overwhelming, ha! So for a little education.

Going down her menu list (1) an Americano is a shot or two of expresso mixed with hot water. (2) a Cappuchino is a shot or two of expresso, steamed milk and frothed milk on top (the foam). Certain parts of Italy believe a "real" drink has thick froth, while other regions believe the smoother, thinner froth is the authentic one :-) I of course will not fight over it. (3) A Latte differs from a Cappuchino in that there will be mostly steamed milk and not a lot of froth (foam) in your drink, as the term Latte means "milk." (4) A Macchiato (sounds Japanese to me) is Italian for "marked" and usually is referring to an expresso shot or two "marked" with a dap of foam on top, usually not what you get when ordering a Macchiato from Starbucks (that's more like a Latte Macchiato). (5) A Breve is an expresso shot mixed with half-n-half, instead of using steamed milk (you can also ask for Soy milk or Hemp milk to be used). Lastly, in case you've never heard of a Cubano, (6) a Cubano is made by either adding sugar to the collection container with the expresso before brewing or whipping the sugar into a small amount of espresso after brewing and then mixing that with the rest of the shot. Few places will make it for you though. So there! That's about what I learned today at the coffee shop. Andrea can correct me if I'm wrong. Hopefully I listened well

The Calamity portion speaks of what I received on Sunday at Mars Hill West Seattle. My pastor Mark Driscoll along with his friend James McDonald were able, miraculously, to fly into Haiti this past week, along with a MH film crew that recorded his time in Haiti, the devastation and peril that occurred and was occuring, and yet the unflinching faith of those who loved Jesus, even amidst difficult emotions, broken families, dead brothers and wives, missing loved ones, missing pastors and crumbled churches. It absolutely broke my heart, as it even brought back precious memories of my time over there in 00' when I visited churches in Port-au-Prince and Carrefour (pronounced "car-foo").

Mark reminded us of the brevity of life, the urgency of the Gospel and the need to rise up and provide for churches in Haiti, as God has abundantly blessed us with so much here in America. One of the coolest stories I heard from a lady missionary in the video was that she was seeing this calamity from a larger perspective, seeing things as God's story unfolding. She believes the crumbling of churches, the calamity of the situation, would only result in a greater scattering of the church of God, meaning the good news of the love of Jesus and the forgiveness of sins would reach more areas in Haiti, and more people in Haiti! And in being moved by what I saw Sunday, I am asking God even now what role I might be able to play in helping Haiti more. Lord-willing that might even mean me going over there to help serve for a season.

Lastly, I want to end with Jesus Christ, as the title of this post indicates. He is worthy of all glory, praise, and adoration! I got to talk to a brother of mine tonight who just started coming to Mars Hill, who is struggling in his faith, asking questions about repeated sin in his life, and wanting to find change through Jesus. And that was the beautiful thing about tonight! In the both of us talking about Jesus as the answer, it stirred and strengthened my own heart concerning Christ's atoning work on the cross; that He became my substitute, the slaughtered Lamb who hung on the cross for my sins, and that He also was my perfect Scapegoat (Leviticus 16) who took my sin away forever (as far as the East is from the West), never to be remembered again, never to be accused of again, never to be shamed from such things again. He took it all away! By His stripes I was healed!

And again, at the end of the day, much has happened and still more is to come, but I can rest in the finished work of Christ! It brings to mind Isaiah 53, which I'd like to finish with. Here is what Christ did out of His love for me and out of His love for His Father!

³ He was despised and rejected by men,
       a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.
       And as one from whom men hide their faces
       he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
⁴ Surely he has borne our griefs
       and carried our sorrows,
       yet we esteemed him stricken,
       smitten by God, and afflicted.
⁵ But he was wounded for our transgressions,
       he was crushed for our iniquities;
       the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
       and with his stripes we are healed.

All Who Are Thirsty, Come

2010-01-22T19:21:00.000-08:00

What do I post first? Well, this blog may take many different looks, but for now I figured I would try and keep this blog centered on what truth God was impressing on my heart for the day. Anything else is just life lived out in expectation of showing forth His glory through it all!

So, why not begin in a book that has made a great impact on my heart since coming to Seattle, Isaiah. Today I got to actually slow down, take some extended time and meditate over some Scripture. Isaiah 55:1 was in that portion of reading, and I still am chewing over it right now. There are so many implications in this one verse, and probably so much to talk about; but the goal is for God to receive glory through His Word and to let you know what God is teaching me through His Word.

The Gospel is here! In this one verse.

"Come, all you who are thirsty,
       come to the waters;
       and you who have no money,
       come, buy and eat!
       Come, buy wine and milk
       without money and without cost.

The call for my own heart today has been to "come!" But the hearts condition must be one of thirst! I won't desire to come unless I am thirsty. So God has been asking me today, Are you thirsty for me Paul? Are you thirsty for the waters that I provide? Interestingly enough, the call is for those who have no money! In my understanding, God is asking, Do you see you are destitute? Do you see you are like the son who squandered all his money and is eating out of a pig's trough? Do you really believe you come to me without money, without anything to give me? And now I think I'm getting to the heart of what God is trying to tell me here. Do I believe I am broken, that I am weak, that I am a jar of clay that in and of itself is quite useless? Or am I thinking I am something special, something worth giving attention to, self-sufficient, adequate and able to hold myself up? Will I boast in my so-called strengths?

But God's call is to the one with NO money! He's calling that one to "Come! Come, buy wine and milk! Buy and eat with Me! It's free! There is no amount of money that can purchase what I have, there is no cost of your own for what I give!

And then the Gospel hit me with its precious promises! What God gives as a free gift is only because it has already been purchased and had a great cost to it! Communion and relationship with God cost him his own communion with his Son! Jesus purchased this with His own blood, for He was wounded for my transgressions and by His stripes I have been healed (Isaiah 53)!! Jesus died so that I could buy wine and milk without money and without cost! He died so that I could COME!

Without Jesus paying for it all I wouldn't even be able to come! I would be lost in my self-sufficiency and pride, a shattered jar of clay. And in this, the good news is a herald to all who would listen! It is good news for my heart today! Jesus died a bloody, costly, death to secure for Himself those whom He loves! Jesus paid it all! All to Him I owe, sin had left a crimson stain, yet He washed it white as snow!

Do you thirst? Have you come to the waters that God has provided already through Jesus? Do you know there is wine and milk offered to you freely? Trust in Jesus! Fly to Jesus! Believe in Jesus!