Writing Through the Night

I write this blog from my new "post" so to speak. I have had mixed emotions sharing this, but the Lord truly has blessed me with a new job and a new source of income. Of course I could say 'new,' but in all reality it's reverting to the old :-) I am once again working overnight shifts for Security (something which I thought I would stear clear of--the overnight part of the job of course). But God has a way of opening doors that sometimes are the hardest to go through, and that require a lot of faith to go through and a trust that He knows best and I really can't thwart what He is doing or wants to do in my life :-)

The worst part about this blog is that I am writing this without even my whole family in "the know" about my new work. That will be the next thing to do once I finish out my weekend of work and sleep. Of course, in taking this position, I thought I remembered what I was getting myself into, but doing 12 hour shifts through the night is another story. It has brought me to a new place of dependency upon the Father that I probably haven't been in a while. A new place of faith and trust in the Father, that frankly, I haven't been before. In many ways, though this could be thought of as the hardest thing to go through, I know it will also be a very rewarding season. Cause what better place is there to be, then at the foot of the cross and in constant need of renewed strength and life given by my Father.

If anything, this is exactly where I need to be. I've been finding that this past year has revealed much about my own life that I really haven't thought about before. Part of this "looking in" has revealed that my heart fights to take control away from God and have it myself. To give Him parts of things, but keep some of it to myself. Or maybe in the words I've used before; to fit God into my story rather than fitting myself into His grand amazing story! To stop trying to take control out of God's hands and think I can do things on my own. Well, as my older brother has recently reminded me, I'm not that BIG. I actually can't take control from God, I truly can't thwart His plans, and I can't tell God how I want things (though my heart goes there at times). If this were the case, and I actually got my requests, I think (in the words of the Gospels) I'd be receiving stones and snakes for answers to my requests, and not the bread and fish that God so abundantly provides (I hope you got that analogy). I know I'm usually asking for the wrong things, so I thank my God that He answers in His wisdom, and in His timing, and with what is best for me!

And right now, the answer is "overnight security" :-) This is a humbling reality. And yet, isn't this exactly why I created this blog, to show that God's glory is perfected in my weaknesses! Actually I'm struck at the irony of this even now. That Jesus Christ and the glories of the Gospel will be seen better when I am weak. For when I am weak He is that much stronger! And His grace is that much more evident.

God, I can only fully appreciate your grace in my utter weaknesses, and in my dependency upon You! Thank me for taking me to this place in my life once again. Help me to stay here in utter dependency through all you take me through in this life.

For while we were still weak [without strength, helpless, frail, sickly], at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners (weak), Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies (weak) we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. (Romans 5:6-11)