2010: A Year in Review (Sorta)

I will say that 2010 has been a year that God has defined, even when at each turn (sometimes at every step) I thought I had everything planned out. Praise God I'm not that BIG and He chooses to humble me, and then build me back up!

Big take-aways:

God knows what He is doing even when I think everything is going awry. From stepping out of ministries at West Seattle into the city of Seattle with many unknowns, from accepting a job starting at 12 hr. overnight shifts, from moving into a studio within the heart of Seattle city culture, from changing my job location about 4 times within that time frame, from basically living in many unknowns, and honestly being stubborn and rebellious through some of that, God keeps reminding me that the "chaos" I think is happening is actually just me trying to be God and God constantly reminding me (through brokenness and humbling) that HE is weaving this tapestry of my life, for my best and for His exaltation.

Run to community during sins, trials, difficulties, un-repentance. My gut reaction many times in 2010 was to isolate or not want to attend Sunday’s gatherings or Men’s meetings, or any time with community for the sheer reason that it’s “easier” to live in isolation and not let anyone else in on what’s going on in my life. But of course, that path continuously left me dry, unsatisfied, and deathly. I found that the community of God is oh SO important in the life of the believer! I learn so much through community, and learn where I’m un-repentant! I see my weaknesses SO MUCH MORE when I’m with others (I think that’s part of the plan) and it leads me to rejoice in Jesus and the Gospel (the one who has done it all for me and has no weaknesses) rather than become despondent because I am “weak.” 2 Cor. 12 continues to preach at me… I would rather boast in my weaknesses that the power of Christ may be seen in me.

Isaiah 55:1. Only one thing is going to satisfy me – eating from the Word of God. Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; he who has no money (that’s ME) - come, buy and eat! Come buy wine and milk without money and without price. This message of the Gospel to me (through the language of eating) has been on my mind continuously since early 2010, yet I am in daily need of reminder. Nothing this world can offer, movies, books, knowledge, worldly wisdom, friends, family, job, car, pleasure, money, and more is going to satisfy me. Where has that left me time and time again? Realizing that what I’ve really been starving for all along has been the “full stomach” that comes from feasting in the Bible. God continue to grow this hunger!

The church is always the people (you don’t have a local church without it). Time and time again God has continued to bring me to repentance over the desire to see position, status, programs as the ultimate goal in church ministry. Yet, there is no JOY found in positions and programs being the ultimate for me. I keep looking to Jesus and seeing that He invested in people. That’s it! It was about living life with people. Where has my mind been in many ways? Not on this, not on that great commission that Jesus gave to me. Praise God I know I am with a church that loves the city (the people) they have been placed in, and I am reminded by others' testimonies of how God keeps allowing us all many opportunities to be in conversations with people, His greatest creations.

From generalities to specifics, from the theoretical to today. God has recently been reminding me to think about the specifics of what He has done in my life since coming up here to Seattle. I could see it from a 30,000 ft. in the air point-of-view (which is good for me to do as well), but thankfulness wells up in my heart when I’m reminded of the very smallest of details in which the grace of God keeps showing up, even in the most mundane of things (and when I least expect it). And I am ever appreciative of the men around me that keep reminding me that the Word of God is for me today. There are a lot of truth principles for me to pull from the Word, but how is God’s truth bringing me fresh joy and vitality and satisfaction for today, the here and now. So thank you God for those around me that have kept reminding me of this.

It’s all about Jesus. This may seem like a cliché or “to-often-used” phrase, but God keeps putting this to the forefront in my living and in my witness to others. From the failures of looking to be satisfied in other things and the idolatry that shows in my heart, God has made this truth plainly evident to me this year! All I have to boast about is Jesus, all that will last is Jesus, the only thing that satisfies and brings fulfillment is Jesus. The one thing I have to boast about in my witness to co-workers, friends, family, and community is Jesus. This is the one thing that is different from all other things in this world, the one thing that brings me salvation, hope, joy amidst tears, strength during my weaknesses, and everything else: Jesus!

Repenting and Writing Anew :-)

Ha ha, so I don't know if repenting is the right word here, but it has been way too long since I last posted. Usually it comes with my work rhythms... which I think changed about the time I stopped posting. I was working overnights in May and now am working days shifts which doesn't give me the same "dead time" to write in my blog as an overnight job did... but day shift or night shift, it doesn't matter. I need to post!

Since May much has happened! I have transitioned locations with my company twice, moved from West Seattle to Downtown Seattle, and also began attending a church plant that was sent out of West Seattle Mars Hill to the the Downtown Business corridor called Downtown Cornerstone Church, being led by Pastor Adam Sinnett. Phew! A lot going on. One thing though that hasn't changed one bit is God! This has been the greatest thing that has happened in all of this! I have grown closer to my never changing, ever faithful God in the midst of constant change, ups and downs, and complete uncertainties. And yet I can say I have loved every minute of it!

This season certainly has been one where God is revealing idols in my heart, calling me to find my sufficiency and satisfaction in Jesus alone, and asking me if I really DO trust Him. And every unknown step to come to this Downtown church plant has tested each one of those areas. So I thank my God for where I am today, what He is taking me through and the highs and lows of being in a very new ministry with no certainties other than Jesus being on the throne!

And yet, I couldn't ask to be in a better place! In this time all I have is Jesus, and nothing else. It is creating a great sense of dependency on Him, and a dependency for being with His people in community. I am growing to love this great city of Seattle more and more, and I am praying for God to fill me for the missionary work he has me called to. I am salt and light in this great city, so that God's city, a people for His possession, may be birthed here in Seattle, through the Gospel for the glory of God! I am excited and hopefully will keep you more up-to-date on all that happens!

Enjoying the grace of God!
Paul

A Time of Psalm Writing

Well, it’s been a few days (o.k. weeks) since I’ve posted :-) I probably have no good excuse, but I rejoice in what God has been doing in the past few weeks. God keeps reminding me that it is blessed to be meek, for that one will inherit the earth; to be poor in spirit, for that one will enjoy the kingdom of heaven! The amazing thing about sin in our lives is what it accomplishes. What our sin shouldn’t do is lead us to guilt, shame, condemnation and a desire to work harder the next time to avoid it or conquer it. What our sin should do is point us to our Great Warrior-King, Jesus, who has defeated Satan, sin and death and gives us His perfect righteousness.


God has been teaching me through seeing my own sin so clearly that my proper response to my sin must end up with worship. First off, I know that I no longer will suffer the condemnation and death I deserve for my sin. It has been suffered and taken for me in Jesus! I no longer have to work at defeating my sin that so easily entangles. It has been defeated for me in Jesus! So what is my proper response to sin? It is seeing the victory I have because of the cross and having that cause me to worship Jesus, even in that same moment of my sin! Grace becomes that much sweeter in the face of sin. As Paul stated clearly, “where sin increased, grace abounded all the more!” (Rom 5:21). Does this mean I keep on sinning? May that never be the case! (Romans 6:1). It means I worship my God in light of seeing how gracious He truly is in the midst of my sin. This will enevitably bring about less sin and more worship in my life! Less work and striving and more REST.

As a response to what the Gospel keeps teaching me, I’ve been meditating on the Psalms and have begun a type of "personal Psalm writing," where God is using the Psalms to lead me in conversation with Him. This has been the biggest lesson He has been teaching me these past few weeks. That I have had a great disconnect between knowing the truth and communing with the Truth. It’s the difference between knowing the cold hard facts about the Person and living, experiencing, walking and communing with the Person, Jesus. God keeps breaking my heart in a good way and leading me to sweet repentance in the truth that I have not been in communication with the God who I so desperately need to fill my thirsty longings. I have been attempting to quench my thirst in my own broken cisterns, but this has of course led to only more ruin.

So I would like to take you with me into the Psalms in these continuing posts, letting you in on what God is teaching me as I commune with Him. I pray they encourage and inspire you to maybe do your own “Psalm writing” – and above all, may HE be glorified in who He is, how GOOD He is, and how loving He was to crush His own Son for my soul!

God, thank you that I am completely yours.

My Father's Heart Beats Strong

We'd play catch in the backyard
Two gloves and a ball
You'd throw it so high
I'd loose sight of it all

There was little league and wiffle ball,
Hockey and football, basketball, golf,
And other sports, we played it all!

Card games in our trailer tent,
Chess games that would never end,
Long hiking trips and biking trails,
Father-son outings, and campfire tales

Vacation was makin the trip to the beach
Boogey boards, sand castles, paddle ball, frisbee
Track ball, Bocce ball, and everything else
You "packed a punch," a lunch, and always your pretzels

From Up and Down, to Cribbage rounds
Bruises and scrapes from falling down
Your wisdom received, though hard to take in
Has kept me from shipwreck, prolonging my end

I've called you my Father for so many days
Daddy, Pops, and many other names;
But Jesus Lover, now that is one name
I've not called you enough, and I want that to change

For in trials and hardships, in fear and in doubt
There's only been one name that lifts you right out
You've clung to Him tightly, now moreso than ever
It's Jesus, Your Savior, Your Best Friend, Your Lover

This one thing I cling to, I've known for so long
Because he loves Jesus, my father's heart beats strong.

A Sunday I Won't Forget

I wanted to share with you all a note from my pastor. A note that describes what God did yesterday in the life of my church. A God who is BIG, and a Spirit that is still performing miraculous things! This Sunday, I got to see God show up through His people's response to Him! It brought me to tears to be a small part of His BIG story!

From my pastor....Today was an epic day. We hosted 1,150 people, witnessed 45 baptisms, and in general, worshipped our guts out. All told, Good Friday and Easter combined, we hosted nearly 2,000 people this weekend. We saw fathers helping baptize their daughters, mothers helping baptize their sons, and some receiving Jesus for the first time. Some of the highlights included: (1) A pastor's wife, getting re-baptized for the first time as a lover of God. (2) One of the gals in our band's choir left mid-song to get dunked. (3) An eight year old, whose parents just worked through a challenging season following adultery, was dunked by her dad. (4) A former drug, alcohol, gang-banger and now three-week old Christian got baptized. (5) A former "drug-addicted, lying, adulterous, nearly-divorced husband now reconciled w/ his wife" got baptized. (6) A gal who asked a friend last minute if she could attend the Good Friday service, ended up receiving Jesus and becoming a Christian. (7) And the fact that over 45 people were baptized on Easter Sunday! He is Risen indeed! Amen!

Again, I left Easter Sunday in awe of what God does. In awe that He does what He says He will-that He takes out hearts of stone and puts in hearts of flesh.

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes...(Ezekiel 36:26-27)

He does it. He creates anew. He initiates. He does miracles. He is GOOD, He is FOR His children, He is BIG and He cannot be stopped. What a glorious Sunday it was. And all this because Jesus is RISEN!

Dwelling on Good Friday

Here’s what God has brought to my mind concerning Good Friday. It is going to be a solemn night, a bloody night. This particular Friday was certainly a bloody day in the books of history. The afflictions my Savior Jesus went through were certainly bloody, and dwelling upon His death shocks me; to think of what He “endured” (Hebrews 12) during His crucifixion. Tonight will make me cringe, it will shock me and make me shed tears of sorrow-because I think people that were witnessing the event were doing the same. Jesus’ mother for instance! I can’t imagine her having to look upon her son in the condition He was in.


And of course, Good Friday is reminding me that my sins took Jesus to this bloody moment, His blood had to be shed so that my sins could be forgiven and remembered no more! What was so horrific is part of what we will be singing for all eternity in heaven. In fact, Jesus still has the scars-the holes in his hands, most likely the stripes on His back-to remind us all of that glorious moment. What seemed to be so horrific is what Jesus glories and boasts about! That was the same moment that He conquered Satan, Sin and Death! He walks around with those wounds still there probably to remind Himself of the price He went through to purchase His bride. Always there to remind Him! I want to be like Thomas when I get to heaven. I want to ask Jesus if I can touch His wounds and see the evidence of what He went through to purchase me as His beloved Son. I can’t wait to see those scars.

So for me, this will be dark, solemn, aching, cringing, bloody. Tonight is for me to remember the afflictions that Jesus undertook. He bore my sins on His own body on the tree. Physically He bore my sin through His stripes, spiritually He bore the cup of wrath from His Father for my sins. It was the darkest of nights. And yet, it was a glorious night. A night that I will conintinue to sing about from today into eternity. This is the greatest of nights then, and the greatest of weekends. Sunday was His resurrection. I serve a RISEN King! I serve a POWERFUL King. I serve a LIFE-GIVING King. Hallelujah!

Would a Homeless Man Visit Easter Sunday?

Tonight God appointed that I meet Tom. Tom has been homeless for about 1 1/2 years here in West Seattle. He was at one point a well to do man, government job, wife, kids, homes, cars. Now he’s sleeping in a cardboard “home” close to Subway, where many homeless people are found.


I got the opportunity as a single dude without to many things scheduled and things I need to “get to” to sit down and eat some Subway with Tom for about an hour. It was one of those life-changing moments that I will never get out of my memory. I actually pray more will happen during my Subway visits.

I won’t tell you the whole conversation, but one of the things that stood out to me the most was his theme that has been ringing true in his life since becoming homeless. “Humility” was what he said, “that God nevers gives us more than we can handle.” And Tom said this with such contentment it completely amazed me. He understood himself as a servant to Jesus, as a servant to everyone else he comes in contact with (bankers, chemists, lawyers, etc). His name for himself… “a shepherd.” I was in tears repeatedly as he shared his life story, as he spoke of how he was loving others who along with him have not faired well. And yet he isn’t angry at God, angry at the world. He is “humbled.” He understands his place, that he is one small shepherd being used by the Great Shepherd, Jesus. Tom has given hope to other homeless men and women in the area, he comforted a girl coming out of her apartment in tears because she considered herself a whore.

Jesus is not just in the church-goers, the workers, the ones with jobs, like myself. Jesus’ Spirit is in these homeless men and women right here in West Seattle. Right by Subway. Jesus can’t be stopped, and He’s using His image-bearers, like Tom, you and I to do His work.

He was told about Union Gospel Mission (a ministry in Seattle for homeless men) and didn’t want to up and move tonight, but I told him that if he shows up this Sunday at my church, Mars Hill West Seattle, one of us would be more than willing to talk with him and take him to UGM if he wants to go. So, I write this post to ask you to pray for Tom, to pray how God might use Mars Hill in his life on Sunday.

I walked away changed and anticipating Sunday. I pray you have by this post. I pray you would always be accepting of the homeless in your church, even if they show up on Easter Sunday.